I'm not entirely sure what to feel about it, but I've been in an LDR before; several, to be honest. 2 out of how many of those failed and left me all bitter and belting out to Taylor Swift's best break up songs, from internally weeping to "Story of Us", to pumping my fist up in the air and practically screaming out the "weeeee" bit from "We are Never Ever Getting Back Together" [oh I know you know which bit I'm talking about.] I mean, sure these people were miles away from me, but that doesn't mean that losing them hurts any less, no? Thank the gods of Olympus though that I have an LDR that's going strong and, really, it's as if this person never left my side in the first place!
This entry isn't meant to scare you or perhaps turn you off when it comes to an LDR, since.. y'know.. sometimes it works. People are going to be so pessimistic about it telling you it's better to look for a different lover, someone who's in the same town as you, or perhaps they're going to tell you that it'd be wise to start detaching yourself from a certain friend since the distance is "obviously" going to tear you two apart, and make you practically strangers. But, listen to me and trust me when I say this, have faith my friend. I'm writing this down simply to share my experience with LDRs and, perhaps, a good few tips to help make it work.
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Okay, where to start? Perhaps it's best I tell you the story of my LDR first, to introduce you to my soulmate and the other half of this relationship.
So, this girl has been my best friend for 11 years now.. we met in 3rd grade, during a girl scout club meeting. When I met this girl, I hadn't expected that we'd click as much we do now, I didn't think I'd be so devastated when I found out that she'd be migrating to the U.S. that one rather cold December morning back in 2007, and I definitely didn't expect to cry and cling on to her for dear life when we saw each other for the last time, and in McDonald's of all places. But, alas, I was wrong and definitely heartbroken, how in heaven's name was I supposed to survive high school without my Ultibro?!
Ultibro, or as I'm more used to calling her, Q [yes, friends, just the letter] and I had a lot of adjusting to do. Suddenly there was a 12 hour time difference and I barely caught her online on YiM [remember when Yahoo! Messenger was a thing?] I barely knew how to use Skype then, and even when I did, the webcam refused to cooperate with me and we'd settle for reading, trying very much not to tear up when we realised we were reading the messages in the others' voice. Then there was even more adjusting to do what with how heavy the requirements for school were becoming, giving us close to no time for each other. At one point, we actually stopped talking to each other.. just the occasional e-mail of the usual "Hi"s and "How are you"s and I was scared that everyone was right and that the distance was tearing us apart.
Then came the fateful day just a little after I got in to college that I decided, I was going to send her an e-mail with more than just his and hellos, that I was going to make it so much better and would make reading it worth her time. I scavenged for a bunch of pictures from the past 4 years and put them all together, attaching them to an e-mail and telling her of new friends and what's been happening here. I looked at the e-mail, proud with how much farther I'd gone but wasn't really satisfied, something was missing.. so, I upped and borrowed a microphone and decided to record a message.. I think it was a good 20 minutes long, I don't even remember anymore! But, even after that, I still wasn't satisfied.. so I recorded her a song, pouring out the rest of my feelings into a cover of Ed Sheeran's Lego House. It was that e-mail that apparently helped push us to make time for each other, no matter how busy.. we were going to try. The loser decided to call me on Skype, and by this time I was much more familiar with the program, asking me first if it was okay. I got excited and instantly said yes, I mean.. I hadn't heard her voice in forever so a chance like that wouldn't be something I'd just pass up on.
As soon as she said hi, telling me she got my e-mail, I broke down and cried. Now this was definitely unexpected, but I guess it happens when you terribly miss someone you love a lot. It was nice, hearing her voice again, and we talked for hours and hours and hours! By the time we ended the call, my voice was hoarse from all the laughing and talking, it felt great.
Fast forward to the present, we talk every day now via Line [that app is great, shameless advertising, go get it] and voice/video calls are a norm for us now. After she heard of my plans of moving to Canada once I graduate college, we ended up making a "To-Do" list for once we're in the same continent.
I'm proud to say that it worked, better than I expected, going from friends to best friends, to soulmates, our combined efforts made it work so I'm pretty damn sure that if it could work for me, it could work for anyone if they just put a little more effort into it!
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So, I've got a few tips that just might help in making a long distance relationship work, and these are as follows.
1.) COMMUNICATE!!
Take some time off to talk to them! Tell them about your day or ask them about theirs, try to make the distance seem as if it didn't exist. If there's a huge time difference then set a date! Plan it in advance and make it easier to create and clear schedules as needed! Who knows, it just might give you something to look forward to~
Another thing about this is that you need to trust them. Despite communication, long distance relationships will test you both! Make sure not to let paranoia get the best of you, and just in case it does, communicate! Tell them about it, ask if you can talk and let them know! More often than not, you'll feel much much better afterwards.
2.) Do things together!
Sounds kind of difficult especially since you've got either a cellphone screen or a monitor separating you two, but it can be done! Why not set a movie night or movie day where you both just stay on Skype call [either video or voice, it's up to you] and watch movies together? Make sure you start and end at the same time so it feels and seems as if they're just right beside you. Not much of a movie junkie? That's perfectly fine! There are so many other things to do! For example, Q and I create stories together, throw concepts at each other and collaborate to make one big story! If not that, we play games together [as we're both into games, both console and online games]. With how mobile everything is now you could probably even take them with you on a trip out of town! [Q was supposed to bring me with her to school once... the bus never came though so we ended up playing video games instead.] There are a whole lot of activities I'm sure you can do together, you just gotta look~
3.) Involvement!
Try your best to be involved with their life, be as supportive as you can be despite the distance. They've got a huge exam or interview coming up? Message them! Tell them what you feel, and try to calm their nerves. They suddenly find themselves wound up in the hospital or they're sick? Wish them well! If you live in the same country but, say, different states try to see if visiting them is possible.. if not, then I'm sure a video message or a call would do wonders for their day!
But, please take note! You've got to respect their privacy too.. for example there's an aspect of their life they'd rather not drag you into or that they're not too comfortable sharing, don't force them to. Give them a little bit of time, and if they suddenly feel like sharing then accept it with an open mind!
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I'm gonna be honest with you guys.. I was hoping to reach 5 on that tip count but apparently I'm content with just those 3, and I feel like those are the most important things!
So I hope you didn't get bored, and if you've read this far I'm extremely grateful! Thanks lots and I hope you have a nice day~
so this is Matty, signing off for now u v u <3
